..aGain to The StarS..

It's 10:30pm now and i know it's a bit too late..but can't help sharing my joy..

~CONGRATULATIONS~

To our wonderful beloved brother,Mst.Suriya Priyaan Ramankutti,

our heartiest wishes to you on your PMR results..

Our heartfelt and sincere wishes also to Ms. Dharshinee Chachi & Mst.Azrul Jefri P.

..on your great achievements..

We are all very proud of each one of you and the fact that you have put in all your positive attitudes and energies towards achieving what you have today..

N may this be your pathway to higher success and skyhigh achievements in your future undertakings..

~God Bless~

Lovingly,
Yeta & Chechi

Random Pics for Random Updates

some funny poses we gave on our annniversary..


at the cinema before Yuvvraaj..

B giving macho post, kononnya..

Me in boredom..

Some collections..

Balloon from Global Village..

Oh,this is a beauty..Custom-made with coloured sand..

Global Village in all it's glory..

Some decent lunch we had @ Deira Mall..

Saja je..

B made me this dinner, just for fun..

Here comes the royal durian..can u see the price tag?

Random Updates

Some random happenings in my life over the past week or so..

4th December 2008

- Was DM's birthday.. Happy B'day (again) Dhatchyna..God bless u..Be a good son,husband,dad,friend,in total pls be a good boy..

- Went to Lulu Supermarket in the evening and was up to some great mischief like:-D

• Wasted some money on clothes..
• Pinched some apples and tasted them before buying, so that i know for sure they will taste good and crunchy..
• Saw a durian selling at *gasp gasp* AED 98.25..1 miserable fruit n it didnt even smell remotely of durian..
• On the way back, decided to stop by at Al Sada for a single tea..I ordered ginger tea n b normal tea..Then the stupid waiter gave me ginger milk..So i gave it to b, we were drinking in the cab while it was moving..B didnt like the taste also, so i gave him idea to put his hand out and throw the cup away (he agreed and did so).. Hahaha.. Then the wind was so kuat outside n the tea spluttered all over his hand..So the funny.. But he didnt think so, he stared at me.. N i couldnt help laughing n laughing n laughing at his funny expression and sticky hand..M sure the cab driver tot i was a mentally retarded child.. Really had a good laugh..Still can't stop when i think of it..

7th December 2008

- We had a 3-day break for Eid Al Adha from the 7th to the 9th.. So Lau,Chan,B n I went out together.. First we went to Deira Mall and had lunch @ Coco Beans.. Food was different from the crap we all are so sick of eating in UAE so all got excited n couldnt stop eating.. Really.. N couldnt bother to snap pics also..

- Then we went around the whole mall, ransacked Pierre Cardin and shopped for B.. Then just wandered around window-shopping, lepak-ed together at La Geofrette n then we headed to Global Village..

- Shopped some more there, walked around visiting different countries, had dinner n yes.. we are going back to Global Village again coz we couldnt finish the tour n we didnt get the chance to play all the games..

*Note: We had such good fun, it was a fantastic outing.. Lau regretted he didnt buy the lion balloon.. Haha..

8th December 2008

- B n I had an evening out with the consultants, hung around Sharjah n stuff .. It was cool.. No further comments..

9th December 2008

- B n I stayed home, cooked up a good lunch, ate, watched movie, rested n ready to work again.. Nope, havent forgotten.. I AM GOING BACK TO GLOBAL VILLAGE AGAIN..

Guilty..As charged..

Ok,proven guilty as charged..

Have been very lazy..To even blog..

Yours most sincerely,
Shubi

~Vaaranam Aayiram~

Haihh..

I tot i'd feel lighter after watching the movie, expected it to be like some happy ending flick..

When i was younger, i hated the way most tamil movies have got this fairy tale ending..
But as time passes by and i have a million things to worry about, all i wana do at the movies is laugh at the jokes, dance with the songs, make fun of the stupid way some people make movies n come out of the cinema feeling ooh so light..

But why have some directors begun to direct very smartly?

This movie is pretty disturbing..God knows why it had to be such a simple storyline with such complex indepth meanings that makes u cry n cry n cry (dats wat i did all thru the movie)..

Makes you feel very heavyhearted all the way n i even woke up today with a heavy heart..

N to make it worse, its rainin C&D here n im feeling all gloomy...

Lesson learned : Malayalee jokers love to make this kinda movies n make u cry, at least 95% of malayalam movies are so touching, like this one..

Feel better remedy : Maybe i should stuff myself with some hot hot Maggi soup..

Cheh..

Realization..A Handful of Pain,a Heartful of Joy..

Have u ever thought of..

• Who is the most important person in your life?
• Whom do u love most in your life?
• If that ONE person leaves you, will you die inside, will he/she take away yr life with him/her too?
• Who scored the goal: Your parent(s)?Your spouse?Your kids?Your friend?A relative?
  
  On the other hand..

In whose life ru the most important person?

• Who regards you as the most important person in their life?
• Who loves you the most in this world?
• If you leave that person, will he/she be able to ever take it?

Who is that person: Your parent(s)?Your spouse?Your kids?Your friend?A relative?

Will you be hurt if you love & cherish a person so much, they become your priority, the centre of your world n the reason you are living..But they do not regard you in the same way, their world and love n life is another person,n not you? Or when you realize that you've regarded with the same importance everything that they treasure in their life as important, but they placed everything that's important to you at the last ranking??
Or will you be so overjoyed n overcome with untold emotions and a feeling so beautiful, when a friend for whom you've done NOTHING, except being a faraway companion, tells you that ur one of the most important/loved person in his/her life?
*Thanks,ma (U know who u are).. U made me cry..U made me wonder why..U made me fly..Really so high..

..Sometimes, especially at times like that, God teaches you a lesson..

Never to take anything for granted..

To YOUR world, U maybe someone,

But to someone, U may be the world..

How true!!

..N today i realized the true meaning of life, what are priorities all about..

-I've decided long ago, never to walk in anyone's shadow-

-If i fail, if i succeed, at least i live as i believe-

-No matter what they take from me, they can't take away my dignity-

-Because the greatest love of all is happening to me-

-Learning to love YOURSELF, it is the greatest LOVE of all-

So here you go,shuba..

UR the most important / most loved person in YOUR life..

Even if ur not the most important / loved person in anyone's life, remember that you are the most important / loved person in your life..

N remember that your Creator loves you so much that He's giving you evry comfort to cushion whatever hurdles u face in your life, saying each time "I'll be with you,my child"..

N always remember that at any point in yr life, u can just walk up to yr parents n they'd always be thre to hug u tight n tell u dat ur the most precious treasure of theirs..

N u have earned such good friendships that'd last u thru a lifetime..

So wats the big deal if u failed to secure a place anywhre else?

My Realization..

A Handful of Pain,a Heartful of Joy..

Haha..

NishaRagu Renganathan: the worse is when they call you maa'm..
Shubi Girl: so annoying kan?
NishaRagu Renganathan: yup
Shubi Girl: oh ma, in UAE evryone calls u ma'am..
NishaRagu Renganathan: i often tell them.. its Nisha
NishaRagu Renganathan: then they go like.. oh ok.. ma'am
Shubi Girl: they dont listen kan?
Shubi Girl: yeah, ditto like my cleaner..
NishaRagu Renganathan: hahaha.. did u read my comment on that??
NishaRagu Renganathan: i do vacuum my kitchen...
Shubi Girl: yes i did..
Shubi Girl: even if there's any vege or onion skin on the floor?u vacuum tht too?
NishaRagu Renganathan: no la da
Shubi Girl: ok,this pest does..
NishaRagu Renganathan: i clean the whole place before vacuuming...
Shubi Girl: yes,thats wat i mean also..
NishaRagu Renganathan: i see...

NishaRagu Renganathan: but i'd love to vacuum the leaves in my porch... so much
Shubi Girl: haha..
Shubi Girl: a sucker will be better..
Shubi Girl: or a blower..
Shubi Girl: haha..let it blow to other houses..
NishaRagu Renganathan: ya.. it will.. but for now i only have a vacuum... i am tempted
Shubi Girl: just leave it ON..
NishaRagu Renganathan: very nice of you da
Shubi Girl: thank you..
NishaRagu Renganathan: i suppose they will collect it n come n dump it right in front of my door..
Shubi Girl: leave the machine inside yr house,use a super far blower..get a machine wt a silencer..
NishaRagu Renganathan: hmm.. nice idea..
Shubi Girl: so no one will know..
NishaRagu Renganathan: i'll get u one.. when u return...
NishaRagu Renganathan: u can put it in ur house
Shubi Girl: u knw wats the first thng i'll blow?
NishaRagu Renganathan: ??
Shubi Girl: im sure u do know..
NishaRagu Renganathan: ??
Shubi Girl: HUBBY..
NishaRagu Renganathan: HAHAHA

Happy BeLated Anniversary To Us..

We were too preoccupied with our romance-filled day,so that's why its a belated wish..
Praise the Great Lord, we had a wonderful celebration of our first wedding anniversary on the 28th Nov 08 (Friday)..

Events :-

Sneak Preview on the 27th Nov 2008
- It showered quite a bit on the evening, so it was a chill night..
- Had dinner (kuboush & tandoor chicken), followed by LoNdOnDaIrY IcEcReAm..
hmm,heavenly..
- Watched our wedding DVD and reminisced, laughed, n cried with the memories..

At the stroke of midnight, we wished each other n proceeded to offer a simple but heartfelt pooja for Lord for being with us, guiding n loving us all along..N also to kneel at His feet and seek the blessings of The great Lord and our God - our dearest parents..

D Day :-
- Had breakfast in bed,on the sheets lar,not under..
- Went out to Ajman City Centre for lunch and a movie..
- Lunch at The Thai Corner, food tasted very un-Thai-ly..
- Watched a Hindi movie "Yuvvraaj", starring Anil Kapoor, Salman Khan, Katrina Kaif-
Subhash Ghai's movie n AR Rahman's music..
* I have to side track abit here : GO WATCH THE MOVIE,people.. Its SIMPLY SUPERB.. N
Anil Kapoor's given an excellent piece..N the music..Wowww!! Enchanting..
Listen to : Manmohini Morey(it touches the soul)..N Dost, n Shano Shano, n Mastam2..

- After movie, proceeded to burn a hole in dear hubby's pocket (on his insistence, of course) -
The damage was YET another pair of sandals-best i could get-Made in Singapore n costing a
bomb of AED 115, some fanciful accessories n knick knacks..

- Dinner was a romantic affair at the Palma Beach Club near our place - Dined out on a deck on
the water - bobbing together with the waves, intoxicated by his love n also the amount of
sheisha smoke inhaled by the Arabics around us...

All in all, it was a memorable day - pics out sooon..

..Happy 1st Anniversary..

~Hubby n Shubi~

..Cheers..

She's a Sweetie..

There's this gal..


I've known her since I juz got into my teens..
We met first at the corridors of St Anne's Convent,made frens, n studied n laughed n giggled n walked n ate n gossiped n sang n danced n loved n fought together..
N then i moved across the South China Sea, n our worlds too moved apart..


We met again after 7 years in Mines Shopping Mall n started talking about our lives like we never parted before..


N eversince, it has been a friendship that stayed on stronger than any rock (touch-wood) n has moved on to become more of a sisterly bonding between us..


Some creepy twin-sisters we are..Hehe..


Major Interest/Hobby of ours :Causing hair-tearing moments for our Hubbies..



P/S: She called me earlier,all da way frm KL, just so that she'd be the 1st one to wish me an advance Happy Wedding Anniversary, which btw, is tomorrow..





Here u go,Nishaalni Renganathan..This piece is specially dedicated to you n Cheers to us..


May Lord bless U..N Me too for manymany more million years to come..



That's her in the middle(wt a pitiful face,God knows why) with her Mil in blue n Mum in purple n the princess,Yashu chellaz all preoccupied in her food..

xoxoxoxo,

Yr creepy spooky twin..

Huh?

“Yoga is ‘haram’?"
"It can ‘corrupt’ a person?"

WTF is wrong with yr bloody mentalities, b***********?
U forgot yr bloody roots? Or ur still so bloody uncivilised / insensitive to people's feelings?
I don't blame the religion, i respect the religion..
It is fools like you (whoever said this) who are the black sheeps..

Go on saying everything n hurting everyone under the Sun..
U will pay for it on your judgement day, by your God..
Now just FO from my thoughts before i curse u to oblivion..

dear blog n readers, sorry for my profanities n crude language..
They just get on my nerves at times..so much so that even a saint can be provoked..

The Goody Oldie Days

Dear blog,

Kindly behave yourself today..Don't make me crash my notebook..

Thank you..I love you..

Like they say, a free mind makes the heart wander..to a time that strayed from your thoughts all these while due to whatever reasons..

N so the story goes..

It was during one of these times long ago, i knew a girl who was full of mischief..

So angelic on the outside,so divine in the eyes of her elders,but she was a terror within..

N this happened when I was in Darjah 2A studying in SRKTSG..

Wat did this gal do? Well, she marketed some brilliant hand-made products in school..Like wat?

Like some drawings n rough sketches that she used to do to pass time when the teachers bored her to death with too-simple BM, Maths n English for her level..

So,she drew pictures..N all her dear fan-friends loved all of them pictures n used to fight with each other to have the pictures..

Soon,it became a competition between her frens to see who owned most of the drawings..

Then.. *gasp*gasp*faint*..they started bidding for the drawings..

They go like:-

Nurul : xxxxx,i bagi u 20 sen, u jual gambar bunga tu kat i?

Aisyah : xxxxx, u bagi kat i la, i bayar 30 sen, ok tak?

xxxxx : alah,korang ni.. ok, cam ni, aku jual 20 sen gambar bunga ni..tapi korang kena "o-jus" dulu..sapa menang,boleh bayar 20 sen kat aku..

A pic with scenery / more colour fetches her about 50 sen..or *gasp*, even 1.50 per picture..

Now,u can imagine how beautiful a picture can a Darjah 2 angel draw, can't u? U know, the ones sketched on torn pages of single-line notebooks,n coloured fancifully using LUNA-mind u, only LUNA passed the QC..Those kinda pictures..Some examples below:-

A b&w hibiscus..

A 5 or sometimes 50-petal flower (depending on her mood), each petal with its own colour, carefully outlined with the darker version of the same colour..

A more decent drawing, fetching a higher bid price of course..

A coconut tree when its hot outside..

A christmas tree filled with the adornments during the Santa season..


A scenery of the beach at sunrise/sunset/midsummer..

A paddy field wt a house right in the middle..

bla bla bla..

n so it went on that way..u see, it wasnt her fault, she was forced by her luxurious frens to accept their li'l offerings..

What'd she do with the $?

During waktu rehat,she belanja-ed the same frens who paid her ..

Keropok lekor was the most famous,or the delicious mee rebus that she hasn't got to taste anywhre else til this very day, even the karipap sardin (hmm..yummie)..nuget ayam, those extinct now "Squeeze Me" ice-cream..pop-ice..those candy sticks that comes with a free cincin..choki choki..the f&n grape dat was a craze, n so was Yeo's newly-introduced ice lemon tea..

So that's where all the money went, and it was a happy ending note for all of them..

Oh, the goody oldie times..

Now,wonder who is this ms.xxxx mysterious girl?

Oh, hubby knows.. Ask him..

Or is it written all over my blog?

P/S : Thank you again,blog..U have been on a good-behaviour mode today..Muax..

Till next time,cheers..

xoxoxo,

Shubi gal..

Diwali Do..

Hi hi,
I'm pretty sure u can sense it already, dear blog?

Yes..Yes..Yess.. Its LaZy season nw..

So,juz to feed u so dat u don't feel hungry..Here's some food blog for you..

Some pics of Diwali dinner that we had in UAQ 27 Oct 2008

Our Head diwali (Thalai Diwali)-like my sis refers to it was a very unfamily affair- being just the both of us in a land so faraway..So just to keep us n all the guests entertained n to forget the sakit hati n also so that we (read as 'I') don't end up crying the whole day n bugging the life out of dear hubby, we tot of having a party..

Well, the guest list had abt 20 people n it was FULL ATTENDANCE n halleluyaa, we all had a blast (minus the fireworks..)Here are some pics..

The Menu :

1.Perfecto prathaman (I shouldn't boast, but it turned out really superb)..

2.Tomato Rice

3.Fish curry

4.Mutton masala

5.Chicken Varuval

6.Vegetable salad in thousand island sauce

7.Mango juice

8.Loads of sweets meats (courtesy of Uncle George, who's our MEP contractor and calls me his daughter..)

9.Lots n lots of free-flowing booze (also courtesy of Uncle George n also from our company - not exactly my idea of celebration, but we can't stop those who love to drown in booze, can we?)

Hubby snapped this.. Y do men have strange fancies?

<--- B syok sendiri pic!!!

Ok,this stupid page is not listening to me (I thnk B cursed me coz i put up his SS pic)..

I hate this post..I hate u blog..

Haihh..

I need my tea now..

Ok bai..

Cool..

...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

I have dat much to tell, REALLY..
Just haven't found the time for it..
I will do it, soon..

But just a li'l sneak..
I had LonDon DaiRy Hot Chocolate FudGe Ice cream yest.. courtesy of the HubbY..

Bestnyer..Muax b..

I am PiSSed..

DoNt aSk..

Ok bai..

The Glorious Rain..

I could not resist posting this..

For the first time since we stepped into this desert of Umm Al Quwain (or UAE in a bigger picture)..it's RAINING..

Oh,waking up to the sound of raindrops hitting the windows,looking out to misty air all around me, watching the Sun try its best to sneak out from the grey clouds.. Just so beautiful..So SERENE..


Hmm..i WISH it POURS for the next 3 DAYs..Wishful thinking..


P/S: Continuous rain would prove detrimental to our project site works..
So God has decided to take charge n let the Sun win over..

Da ChiCKeN BriyaNi

The other day, as on Thursday evening, the hubby n i were having dinner..



Menu : Chicken briyani from a Pakistani shop that costs only a mere AED6 n Murtaza claimed dat its the best briyani in UAE..N i got hooked..N regretted..



Now,Murtaza is my driver who's a Pakistani n this particular conversation took place while we were on the way home from somewhere.. n he goes like "Sister,try it..Wallah, its the best..very presh-as in *fresh*.."



Now, whatever he said to market the briyani, i bought it n decided to indulge with the hubby.. (u just dont get enough of it, do u shuba?)



Back to the dinner, we looked at each other over dinner n said in UNISON.. We Pledge Not To Eat Briyani AGAIN for The Next 6 Months (Like how difren could a briyani taste anyway?)..

Missing my Chick Lits

Oh dear blog,

Would you find another blogger in UAE who cares about chick lits n Judith Micheals n Danielle Steel n John Grisham n Nora Roberts n dadada..N show them to me..

OMG,not a bookstore in sight,not in Lulu,no Kinokuniyas,no MPHs,no Times..How much *bad-der* could this get? Not even in Ajman City Centre..wth..

I miss that li'l bookshop in Central Market,where I have dug out,rented,read n not returned yet oh-so-wonderful works of some great authors..

Why don't people indulge in reading?Why,oh why?

GHM..im depressed..yet again..
ok bye

~ CoNgRAtuLatiOns Gals ~

This Post is Specially dedicated to you gals (The StaRs of OuR FamiLy)..

Ms.Gayathiri Murali

Ms.Kushaalini Radakrishnan

Ms.Sharwini Rajenthiran @ Chechi

My heartiest congratulations on your excellent UPSR results.

May this be the beginning of a very successful and bright future for all of you..

God Bless..

Love u All..

P/S : Yay yay,Hooray Girl Power..

hmm,Shubi is sooo good today..
She has posted stories
of Love,her heaRt is sOOOO fulL of love..

Till The neXt
tiMe..bye..

To The SouL oF mY HearT..

I loVe YOU,too My SuNshInE..

So MucH..CanT eVen beGiN to ExpreSs..

on aNoTher NotE..

I LoVE aCha&AmMa (I misS yr LoveY-DoVEy naGGingS n I mIsS nAgging u ToO,mUmmy..), My AdoRabLe&mEssY Gal siSter, UMesH (hehe,i couldnt resist That)..n Our DarLing BubbLy CheLlam AppU SuRiYa..

My HapPY-WaPpY BesTest in the WorLd FamilY..

will poSt storieS abt the Crazy things we do..Sooon, reaLlY sooN..

I received as sms from mum-in-law yesterday..n it went like this..

"Hi ex-v agent,hows it goin? i seLdom HeAr from YoU theSe DayS (just a note:its BeEn like 4 days since I didnt sMs / CaLL heR)..I miss ALL the FuN we Had together..TaKe carE n Love U.."

I CriEd..It was so touching..

No,im not boasting here, but hardly mom-in-laws say 'I Miss U n LoVe U' to the daughter-in-laws (or vice versa)these daYs.. So i count myself like very superduper lucky to have such a wonderful mil @ Mom..

Hmm,u wouldnt believe all the things we'd be uP to..n she dutifully naGs me that I dont dress up enaf (ok,proVen guIltY..til my MD complained) to woRk, n naGs me like evry month to buy some clothes n follows me go shopping n patiently chooses for me abt 30 bajus of wich i may buy only 3 or 4..

n cooks for me, maintains the house while Im at work, doeS the laundry, takes care of me wen iM sick wen its supposed to be the other way round..Hmm..such an endless list..

ThiS poSt is dedicateD to You, Mom.. May we stay close n love each other forever..tk care n Love u LotS

*Really miss our trips to the market,Central, Tesco, GiaNt, MidValley, Parkson,Sunway Pyramid n of course The SwImMing PooL, beN Maju, Al ManaR (hahaha..) etc etc etc..

Da BeaCh RenDezvOUs

Bewarned: abIt of adult-content post..only for those above 23

(hey,im taking into consideration my sister heRe)..

well,it was a pretty romantic nyt..
walking on the beach under the almost full moon lyt n sparkling stars,feeling the waves wash our legs,the breeze caress our cheeks..
holding the hand of the one I love n cherish, being held very close to HiM..

listening to hiM singinG *I sWeAr* into My EarS n soMe HushHUsh here n there..
eating MARS n feeling all chocolatey,SWEET,SExY..

*adult content stops here..*

no mushy-mushy doings in public in UAE,the police dont question, they just drag u to the nearest CourT n before u know it, U r counting the baRs in a CeLL..

anYwAy, it was a nicey nice feelinGy..hmm,thanks to the hubby..

has anyone seen a someone or anyone or evryone(was dat some crap?) who cleans the kitchen using a *gasp* VACUUM cleaner? i mean, i seriously tot that mankind invented brooms for that purpose..

So well, im seeing one particular creature do it like almost evryday (none other than my eva wonderful cleaner)..like wats wrong with him??

oh yeah, i gota elaborate a li'l bit here.. Its a keralite guy who cleans our apartment on a part time basis..so he speaks none other than malayalam n he stares at me like starin at a UFO wen i tell him things in malayalam (well,so the slang's difren, n outta 10 word sentence, i speak 6.5 or 7 words in english..so wat??)

so the conversation goes like tis (of course translated into english)..

me : brother (see, im not mean..i respect evrybody..good girl shubi)..can u pls use a broom to SWEEP the kitchen,n the vacuum cleaner for the rest of the house?

he : ah, seri cheyya (ok, i'll do it)
me : thank you..(with a sweet smile, i told u im not mean)..
he : smiles back..

n happily continues using the VACUUM CLEANER on his next round..the colourful effect was a testimony of how i wish i could scold him with that kinda colourful words...

n this particular piece of conversation has gone on at least 23.2 times between us..(the decimal .2 was wen i started, then realised that its not gona make any difrens, just painful-kaning my mouth only)..

aaah,shuba..is it whining day today? stop it ryt here.. its ok, just bear with him..

Its http://www.depressionday-today.com./ so shuba is celebrating it by being (none other than) DEPRESSED (grey colour effect)..

RealiZation

now agaIn,

I juz realized daT i'f naMed my Blog Surprise SuRpRisE (NoT) DAiLyDotS..wich means dat..any sane person will know wat it means..Its supposed to have daily posts..

Tsk tsk..There i go on my whine story again..I failed miserably..
but then again,it says daily DOTS..u know dots,dont you? The "...................................."

so maybe i shall post dat daily..
If i remember,if im not too busy (read as lazy, With a capital L mind you)..

cheers,people..have a good day..God bless all..

Oh,So theRe Goe$..

11 Nov 2008

Hmm,i knew this is gona happen..it dampens my spirit..justcant help it..ok shuba,stop goin on n on...

u see,when i set up the blog page,i vowed to diligently post an update evry singleday..n failed miserABLy just aft like what..My first atteMpt??

now this thing is pissing me off..Im typing and the characters r somehow not ppping up on screen Or they are showing some craZy undefinable words.. For example the word ppping above shud have been POPPING..POPPING..u get it dumb blog??wth

WeLcOm3 meSelf...

Wakakaka..Lets see how far this takes me..